Its three days since the beginning of the new year and the Christmas decorations have finally been packed away.
My mother has a strange obsession with festive trinkets and every year she insists on cluttering up our otherwise minimalist home with musical Santa Claus figurines, dozens of shiny baubles and glitter coated plastic leaves- which as far as I can tell have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. This year there was a new addition to the house of many decorations, a nativity scene. My family have not been practicing Catholics for many years now, however in a moment of retail induced religious nostalgia my mother purchased the nativity scene, and she was thrilled with her purchase.
Not wanting to rain on the baby Jesus’ parade I kept my mouth shut and refrained from pointing out the irony of a nativity scene in a house occupied by people who, aside from Weddings and Funerals, haven’t been to church in at least 5 years. I kept quiet while she unpacked the angel and the wise men. I helped remove the bubble wrap from Mary and Joseph. I even smiled when Mum looked lovingly at the baby Jesus- but when the Shepard came out (that pun will be funny in a few seconds,) I broke my silence…
“That is one gay shepherd.”
In all seriousness either that shepherd was gay or he was a guy in drag- dude really looked like a lady. I’m not one to promote the use of sweeping generalizations but it’s difficult not to draw gay conclusions when you are faced with a limp wrested figurine wearing what can only be described as a pink dress and more makeup than a drag queen at Mardi Gras.
My mum was somewhat taken aback by the suggestion that her perfect nativity scene was besmirched by a homosexual shepherd, although when I pointed out the make up and general stance of the figurine in question she found it hard to disprove my point. However she still took great pleasure in setting up the nativity scene, giving it pride of place in our lounge room, I didn’t protest.
Next year I’m going to paint the shepherd’s nails and see if mum notices.
Here is an example of a much more heterosexual shepherd, although I am concerned by the way he is looking at that lamb.
