Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Platinum Sunday

My Sunday morning typically begins with me looking for ways to delay getting out of bed for as long as possible. I will read anything I can get my hands on- including the payment instructions on my credit card bill. I'll call and SMS everyone I know, including people I actually dislike. I sometimes count the freckles on each forearm in an attempt to discover which is the more speckled arm.

This past Sunday morning I turned to my trusty friend, television, in the hope that some quality music videos would provide the perfect excuse to spend another hour wrapped up in my doona like a kebab in tinfoil- ok bad analogy. Unfortunately, due to a long night of partying I had slept through all the music video shows. It appeared I would have no choice but to drag my lazy a** out of bed, change out of my cowboy pajamas into some respectable 'real world' clothes and face another day- but then suddenly my luck changed.

Every once in a while the television God's smile on you, offering up programming perfection. At midday today I had my miracle, a fantastically terrible movie called 'Double Platinum.' Let me set the scene- the movie was made in 1999 and stars Diana Ross and Brandy, this alone is more than enough to satisfy me- but let me give you the rundown on the mostly irrelevant storyline. Olivia (Diana Ross) leaves her unsupportive husband and newborn baby girl to pursue a her dream of being a singer. Years later a mega-successful Olivia returns to find her daughter Kayla (Brandy) and to reveal herself as the mother she never knew. Surprise, surprise-Kayla (Brandy) is an aspiring singer- you do the math, that's right lots of singing, or should I say terrible lip-synching.

The film was a 'Television Movie Event' that was screened around the time of Brandy's rise to fame. Her song 'Have You Ever' is featured at least 7 times throughout the film, I'm not exaggerating- just when you think you have seen it for the last time the film clip pops up in the background or the song plays on a nearby radio. The interesting 'behind the scenes' fact is that the sappiest song in the history of recorded music, a duet called 'Love Is All That Matters', was supposed to be the big single from the film, this never happened. At the film's climactic conclusion there is an emotional mother daughter performance of the song, but all I could think was, get off stage Diana I want to hear Brandy sing 'Have You Ever' for the 22nd time!

Poor Ms.Ross, she really comes off second best in this one. Although Brandy's acting is as wooden as...well...wood, you just cant help but love her! Hell, she's Brandy-and Moesha- and that dumb chick from 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.' Diana just cant compete with that, maybe I'm being too critical of her, after all the giant hair was very entertaining, it deserved a credit all of its own- as do Queen Latifa's breasts in the movie 'Chicago'.

'Double Platinum' took me on an emotional rollercoaster- joy, sadness, laughter, tears and laughter with tears. Some may criticise the terrible acting, the lower than low production values and the countless holes in what was supposed to be a plot- I on the other hand give it three thumbs up for sheer C-Grade brilliance.


The 90's never looked so 80's.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS THE FIRST I HAVE HEARD OF THIS MOVIE, IT SOUNDS LIKE A CLASSIC. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG FAN OF DIANA ROSS' HAIR.

Anonymous said...

E-Bay here I come, this must be available on DVD.