Rhetorical?

Let me share one of my current concerns. I’m worried that at some point in the not to distant future medical researchers are finally going to realise that the appendix is actually a necessary organ, and that despite years of chopping them out of people with seemingly no harsh consequences the humble appendix is actually very important. Is it possible that the appendix holds the key to the meaning of life? Is it possible that I’ve just put forward the most ridiculous rhetorical question in history? The answer to at least one of these questions is yes.

Oh and another question- has anyone ever seriously considered the possibility that just because humans don’t shrivel up and die when the appendix is liberated from a tender abdomen it could actually be of some use?

Sure I’m being irrational, but I have good reason. I actually have two good reasons. Firstly, I had my appendix removed on New Years Day and since then my journey towards personal enlightenment has become considerably more difficult- thus conclusively proving that the appendix does in fact directly affect my mental state. Secondly the medication I’m taking at the moment lists “Lowered brain function” as a probable side effect. Other side effects of the pills include “Increased sensitivity to light,” plus “An intolerance of dairy products” and “An increased urge to hurl abuse at the teenage population who seem determined to burn out my already weary retinas with their current fluorescent clothing obsession.” While I’m on the topic, can someone over the age of seventeen please tell these little wannabe glow sticks that even in the days of parachute pants and hypercolour t-shirts nothing was anywhere near as bright as today’s “clothes,” and I use the term loosely.

Ok, I’m glad I got that out of my system, but unfortunately I’m still distressed by my lack of an appendix and what effect it will have on my life. As 2007 drew to a close I declared 2008 would be “my year!!!!!” much like I have done for the past three years. Only this time I made my declaration with much more determination and gusto- hence my use of numerous exclamation points to demonstrate the aforementioned gusto.

How good can a year be when it starts in the emergency room of Sunshine hospital with me listening to illegal fireworks exploding outside while I convinced the doctors to give me some of the top shelf drugs? And why do stupid fucking doctors feel the need to repeatedly point out that being in hospital is the worst way to spend New Years Eve? And how many rhetorical questions can I pose before it starts to get annoying? Just what is in store for Michael Who? In 2008?

I’ll endeavour to answer these and even more ridiculous questions in the not too distant future* here at the home of illogical rambling, Michael Who?.

(*Note the total ambiguity of this phrase.)

No.

BONUS FEATURE:

Today’s post has a bonus feature for anyone who can be bothered getting interactive.

It’s been months since I’ve shared any stories here and therefore I have a lot of random memories stumbling around in my head like Amy Winehouse after a quiet night of boozing and shooting up. I could probably shake out some ideas and arrange them into some kind of written thingy using my impressive literary skillz. So here’s where the interactivity comes in, I’ll give you a few options and you can leave a comment at the bottom of this post and tell me why you want to read about your chosen topic. If you give me a good reason I’ll get typing, simple as that.

Here are your choices;

“You Aren’t a Doctor, You’re a Vet.”
The story of my hatred for doctors, specialists, nurses, orthodontists, surgeons, etc etc...

“Guys You Shouldn’t Fall in Love With.”
This sounds like a list that I should be on, but it’s not, it’s about my stalker tendencies.

“Bag Full of Bags.”
What happens when you give an unemployed homo with self esteem issues a credit card limit of $20,000?

“3 Degrees of Education.”
I finally finished a university degree, now what? Seriously, suggestions are welcome.

Or any other ideas you have...