Paula Abdul Killed My iPod

Anyone who rides a train tram or bus regularly will agree with me that the main problem with public transport is in fact the ‘public’. There are obvious problems with the ‘transport’ aspect of the public transport equation- for example the published timetables are now completely fiction, I have now come to expect the randomness of my tram and I plan ahead, what I cannot prepare myself for is the sheer stupidity of the commuting public. Hence the unbelievable success of the iPod, I truly believe that the large majority of people buy iPod’s as a $400 dollar billboard that says, ‘F*** off! Don’t even think about disturbing me’. I know from experience that those little white headphones have saved me from many public transport “incidents”.

Beyond helping to remove the ‘public’ element of my daily commute to school my iPod meant so much more to me, I had named it iMichael and filled it with music spanning the musical landscape; from commercial pop to political art rock. My iPod was lovingly referred to as my child, and I loved it more than I love most people. I could rely on trusty iMichael to provide the perfect soundtrack to my mood a moments notice; this is particularly helpful for a schizophrenic like me. It went with me everywhere and helped get the party started at countless parties. Knowing all this I’m sure you will understand why I shed a tear when iMichael died.

It happened on the tram coming home from uni. It was a typical day; I was enjoying my eclectic collection of songs 3000 songs completely at random when all of a sudden iMichael presented a less than appealing track by Paula Abdul, I pressed skip… iMichael died.

The sad iPod picture appeared on the screen and no amount of resetting would fix the problem, iMichael was gone. When I took him to the service center the gargoyle working behind the desk informed me the sad iPod picture was the end of the line- he almost seemed pleased, I resisted the urge to bludgeon him to death with the cold steel of my now lifeless iPod.

And so a new chapter begins in my life, much the same as the last one but now with a shiny black Video iPod that I really can’t afford. Some may say I moved on too quickly, they might say I didn’t mourn the loss of iMichael for long enough, but I know in my heart that this is what he would have wanted- and as a final sign of respect I will bludgeon Paula Abdul to death should I ever bump into her.